I really think it's about time I did a post. I know, this year I have been a complete failure when it comes to blogging, but... life has taken it's own turns, so I've just had to cope with it. I'm going to do an honest post. I want to share with everyone the struggles and triumphs after the earthquake, and how I'm dealing with everything.
Am I still 100% raw? Unfortunately no. Organic food is verrrrry expensive in Wellington. I am about 70% raw throughout the day. This is what I usually eat day to day.
Breakfast (9:00am)
2 kiwifruit
1 glass of Kombucha
Lunch (12:30pm)
1 glass of freshly squeezed juice (usually contains carrots, apples, wheatgrass/kale/silverbeet, oranges, pineapple)
Afternoon/Dinner (4:00pm)
Small bowl of homemade cooked vegan soup (usually contains leek or pumpkin, agria potatoes, onion, organic olive oil)
Or if I'm eating 100% raw for the day I'll either have
More juice from lunch, or a small bowl of miso soup.
*Throughout the day I also snack on seasonal fruit, and occasionally raw treats like cake and ice cream.
I usually have maybe 3-4 days a week where I try to be 100% raw. But the strange and funny thing is, I don't even care about percentages anymore. I measure things by how my body feels.
I resented cooked food for a long time. I hated the way it made me feel. I was convinced it would hurt me. I still support those ideas, though. I know the way processed foods make me feel, it's no secret that they don't support the body. Since moving, I tried to comfort myself with foods from my past (that were vegan, but when you binge it makes no difference), in the mistaken idea that they would make me feel better. BIG MISTAKE, I gained about 28lbs. Not cool, at all. I ate a lot of bread, rice, oats, chips, and flour that really just made my life worse. I don't blame me though, I was confused, depressed, lost, torn, and just really screwed up in general. It was also because we were staying with someone who had these foods easily accessible. I also got into some unhealthy patterns of fasting. I want to warn people (especially young people) about their intentions when it comes to fasting, and also urge people who are or want to fast to seek proper support. I didn't have good intentions while fasting, and bingeing on cooked food immediately afterwards just confused my body even more.
When we moved to our little flat in the beautiful Aro Valley, I immediately tried to go 100% raw, but after eating so much 'white food' all I could eat was muesli, nuts, seeds, and as much fat as possible. It really made no difference. I was upset about the way my body looked and felt. I wasn't used to being 'fat' again, especially after being so comfortable and happy in my old slim figure. I relapsed off being raw, and then of course I tried to go raw again, and then relapsed. This continued for awhile. I got very depressed, not just about my completely ridiculous eating habits, but also because I felt like the earthquake had ruined my entire life. I'm not going to lie, I was crying every single day, and seriously contemplated suicide. I was behind in schoolwork, and I couldn't concentrate at all, which for me was difficult, as I was a straight A student. I still got As surprisingly, but I still found myself depressed, and being away from Josh (one of my best friends) upset me all the more. I didn't want to go to a normal high school, because I felt it would distract me more, and the only person I saw for about 4 months was my mum and her boyfriend, and I hardly even left the house, because I actually stopped fitting my clothes for awhile :/
I discovered after visiting the doctor that I had low iron. It was true, if we went out I would come home and end up being able to do nothing for about 5 hours afterwards, yet, at the same time I also had insomnia, where I couldn't sleep till about 2 or 3 in the morning.
We bought a Hurom juicer. Possibly one of the best purchases ever made! We started having juice everyday, and I did start losing weight again, but I had an insatiable appetite for cooked food and craved it madly. When I was raw vegan before the earthquake I would eat hardly anything, which I couldn't help, because I wasn't really hungry often, and I didn't need much for unlimited energy.
Now for the event that changed my life. My mum (who had suddenly become the social butterfly) had made a friend while gardening in the community garden called Lyndsey. My mum told her our plight and Lyndsey, who was very interested in EFT (also known as tapping) suggested that we come round to her house and try some. My mum went, but I didn't. I was a recluse at that stage haha. She came back with a spring in her step and a twinkle in her eye, which I'm aware sounds rather strange, but she told me it was great and that we should try it together. So we did. My food issues were the principle stress in my life, and I knew exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want to be tempted by cooked food, I didn't want to binge on cooked food, I didn't want to be thinking of food constantly, I didn't want to be bloated, I wanted to be raw, I wanted to weigh the same I had before the earthquake. We tapped on these issues. At first it didn't work, and I started crying again. We tapped again a few more times, without much change, but we started to change up the issues a bit more.
Then it was like I woke up. Something changed. I don't even know what it really was. I stopped needing to eat all the time, I stopped craving foods, I stopped bingeing, I stopped stressing, I stopped telling myself how much I hated myself. As of today I have lost about 20lbs. We continued tapping on other issues in our lives, and I feel as though I've left behind so many issues that were constantly plaguing me my whole life. I had a whole new energy about me.
Something else exciting happened after that, but I think this post is already too long, so I'm just going to leave that till next time.
Peace,
Felic Pear x
